Hi and Assalamualaikum. Hai guys. Don't even know if someone is reading this. Just posting out of boredom in the middle of the night. So yeah, we've entered 2015. *Yeaay* Increase in age numbers, getting older, shorter life and closer to death. Hmmmm. My resolution? Nothing in specific, but I'll just kept it alone. :)
Love huh? Friends at my age are getting married, having cute babies and such. While me? I am still confused. If only heart was easier to handle, like having those switches, on and off. It could be simpler. But yeah, you wish, Ain. I just never have a really good love story that I can tell. I'm suck at being a lover. Or is it me that friendzone myself from everyone? I'm loving someone while liking the others. How can I control it? Loving someone whom I know have no possibility for us to end up together makes me gave a chance to someone I barely like. I am a traditional female dude. I still have fantasy on falling in love after getting married. While marriage is not a big deal for me, it somehow is to my Mom. "I'll just accept anyone who want to marry you if it'll be long" - Mom. Me? Confused.
A lot that happened to me, I let go the good guy with having thinking they can't love me for real. I am no good with him. He's just too good for me. Am I making excuses to myself or I am just a fool in love thingy? Apart from that, I am just not ready to get married as I am afraid my children'll be like me. By having my bad attitude. I don't want that. I am still not ready to take care of another me. I am not strong enough. I've sinned a lot. I'm a sinner. I am just no good. Am I looking down too much on myself? Do I have no more trust in me? It always got me wonder. Do I deserve someone good or worse than me? How I wish to cut off these feelings. How I wish.....
By writhing these, several name pop-up in my mind. Making me thinking, sinking into memories lane and getting hurt by myself. I should just stop. May this year teach me on how to be tougher. Hati Kering it is. Till then, farewell. Assalamualaikum. :)