Tuesday, 13 January 2015


          Hi and Assalamualaikum. Hai guys. Don't even know if someone is reading this. Just posting out of boredom in the middle of the night. So yeah, we've entered 2015. *Yeaay* Increase in age numbers, getting older, shorter life and closer to death. Hmmmm. My resolution? Nothing in specific, but I'll just kept it alone. :)

         Love huh? Friends at my age are getting married, having cute babies and such. While me? I am still confused. If only heart was easier to handle, like having those switches, on and off. It could be simpler. But yeah, you wish, Ain. I just never have a really good love story that I can tell. I'm suck at being a lover. Or is it me that friendzone myself from everyone? I'm loving someone while liking the others. How can I control it? Loving someone whom I know have no possibility for us to end up together makes me gave a chance to someone I barely like. I am a traditional female dude. I still have fantasy on falling in love after getting married. While marriage is not a big deal for me, it somehow is to my Mom. "I'll just accept anyone who want to marry you if it'll be long" - Mom. Me? Confused.

          A lot that happened to me, I let go the good guy with having thinking they can't love me for real. I am no good with him. He's just too good for me. Am I making excuses to myself or I am just a fool in love thingy? Apart from that, I am just not ready to get married as I am afraid my children'll be like me. By having my bad attitude. I don't want that. I am still not ready to take care of another me. I am not strong enough. I've sinned a lot. I'm a sinner. I am just no good. Am I looking down too much on myself? Do I have no more trust in me? It always got me wonder. Do I deserve someone good or worse than me? How I wish to cut off these feelings. How I wish.....

          By writhing these, several name pop-up in my mind. Making me thinking, sinking into memories lane and getting hurt by myself. I should just stop. May this year teach me on how to be tougher. Hati Kering it is. Till then, farewell. Assalamualaikum. :)