Unintended.

           Hi and assalamualaikum. Been quite awhile since I last updated my blog, huh? Hew hew~ Finally, I got my laptop back after been 'hospitalized' for two weeks. Well, for this entry, I do have several ideas on what to write about but still unsure on which one to write it out first.

          So, here I go with hateful feelings I used to have. Back then when I'm in my high school. If I were given a chance to delete a memory, I would love to delete my high school memory. I wish to go back to school and meet new people. I don't know why I feel this way. I've been always feel that people keep mocking me. They make fun of me for everything I did. They talked behind my back. I knew it. I knew every bad thing they did behind me. But still, there are few person who're still treat me nicely. And thanks to them for accompanying me going through all of those bulls**t. HAHA! But I guess, they're one of the reasons why I want to success so hard. Thanks to them for giving me a hard time. I guess, my high school was a major turn point in my life. Still, I don't know the reason why they hated me so much. I still have no clue. What a sad life I had back then. It was so hard to keep on going back then. Scrolling through those old school pictures and reading through the comments do make my heart ache. How strong I might look on other's eye; I never knew. I might seem strong, but I am week inside. Thinking of all this do bring down my spirit.. But still, thanks to the hard time, I can now face and handle people like them. :)

         Grandmother. My beloved Nenek of the century. Sarah Binti Marjo. May Allah places you among the mukmin. I love you. I think I'll cry again tonight. Because of you. Because of what I did to you. You love me like your daughter but I'm too careless in taking care of you. I am sorry for not be able to be with you during your hard time. I am a useless granddaughter you ever had. Nenek, I want to do those last process of you, but they just don't let me do it. Life is so hard, Nenek. I wish to spend my time with you again but I just can't. You are my second mother. They said I am spoiling you too much. They said you're spoiling me too much too. I still can't accept the fact that you're gone. Last eid, I do visit you. But I just can't stand looking at your 'house' for too long. I am sorry.It's not like I don't want to visit you, it's just I know I'll cry. Even now, I am crying silently so people won't ask me why. Can I just turn back the time and spent my days with you? :( I miss the old days where I sit besides you while massaging your leg and tell you stories about what happened with my life. I miss the way you tease me on what guy I should married. I wish you'd be there on my wedding. I don't want to torture you but I can't help it. To cry whenever I'm thinking bout my wrongdoings toward you. I am so sorry Nenek. Though I know it change nothing, I am so sorry. The moment I first heard bout your death from Dad at my workplace, I feel like fainting. I'm crying along the way to home without taking into care of what others might think. I don't care cause I love you. And only those whom I love can see me cry or be the reason why I'm crying. Nenek, Along loves you. :')

          As I don't think I can stand to write without crying, I would love to make a conclusion. Learn the hard way give you the best experience. Thank you Dad for always giving me a hard time. Now I know why you did that to me. I am so sorry for blaming you without solid excuses back then. I am now realize how foolish and childish I was back then. Yeah, I might be young, but people won't know what I went through at this young age. In the end, I am so sorry if I hurt anyone. Do forgive me. Till then, Farewell~

FRIENDS *Special Edition*

          Hi and assalamualaikum. By the way, I'm in my new semester right now. *YEAY* Okay, move on to the topic? Friends? Common word isn't it? Why do I came up with this title? Why? Because of my friends! Simple answer. HAHA! XD This is all because of social media.

           So, friends. They come and go. Some may stay longer than expected, some may stab you from the back, some may humiliate you in public, some may protect you without you knowing it and a lot more type of friends which I believe you can state it yourself. :] 

          Every one of them left you with something. Doesn't matter whether it is good or bad. Friends can also be the reason who you are right now. You know why? Cause most of the time were spent with them. One with stronger personality will attract the others to be like him/her. As for me, honestly, I don't have that so called Best Friend Forever [BFF]. Why? I myself don't know the reason why. It's whether we're apart or they been leaving me. I guess that I am such a problematic girl who is hard to handle. Hew hew~ But! I do have few best friends. Well, I consider them as one, but I don't know bout them. Might be one sided best friend affection maybe. Hmm. O_o 

         To all my friends, from the past up till now. I love you. And thank you for coming to my life and be part of the process in creating who I am now. Each of you does mean a lot to me. Because of them, I can now hardly trust anybody. You stab me in the back, humiliate me in the public, make fun of me whenever you could. Well yeah, I might smile and go along but my heart's crying as it might without you knowing. But for those who always stay behind my back, please, stay beside me. Stay beside me as long as you can so we can hold onto each other as if it will never end. 

         I love the way I communicate with my friends right now. Well, it doesn't necessarily mean the process itself, but the semiotic of the communication. It makes me stronger. Since the first day of my Degree, I went through a lot of hardship mostly all by myself. I want to be an independent girl. I even go to Korea alone though. But still, I'm a girl who is physically weak. My family is the only place I can trust to hold on without any doubt. To everyone who know me, I love you for every moment we spent together, for the sweet memories you gave, for the lesson you left, for the words of advice you told. I do appreciate each of it. Thank you for everything. Till then, Farewell~

Annyeong!

        Hai dan assalamualaikum. Ceh! Tajuk nak dalam Hangul je kan? Mentang-mentang lah baru balik Korea. Wakaka. Okay, tapi saya yakin, intipati entri kali ni 98% dalam Bahasa Malaysia. :) Hew hew. Bila dikira-kira semula, dah dekat sebulan lebih juga tak update blog ni. Fuhh fuhh sikit! HAHA! XD

          Kalau nak diikutkan, memang banyak sangat yang nak diceritakan. Dari majlis penutup masa kat Korea haritu sampai lah sekarang. Tapi apakan daya, masa dah suntuk dan saya pun tak larat nak update semuanya sekaligus. Konklusinya, akan jadi satu summary yang agak panjanglah untuk entri kali ni. Hee~ Kenapa masa dah suntuk? Sebab esok saya akan berangkat pulang ke UPM dan banyak lagi yang tak dikemaskan. Huwaaaa~! T_T

         Hmmm, mana nak mula pun tak tahu. Rasanya kalau sambung cerita pasal kat Korea tu, korang pun mesti dah bosan nak baca kan? By the way, ada yang rindu saya tak? Kekeke. Macamnya tak ada. Kfine. HAHA! Oh, balik dari Korea haritu tak sampai dua minggu dekat rumah, boss lama panggil kerja. Ingatkan lah tinggal sebulan cuti taknak kerja, nak rlax je kat rumah. Tapi, dipanggil kerja 'about one week' pula, katanya. Dan apabila sudah nak sampai yang about one week tu, bila ditanya bila last day, katanya "to be confirm." HAHA! XD Macam-macam lah Lady Boss saya yang sorang ni. Oh, tempat saya kerja tu namanya Tako Hut. Alah, tmpat makanan Jepun tu. Hee~ Sepanjang kerja kat sini yang kononnya "about one week" tapi ter overdose jadi more than two weeks tu, banyak lah juga sweet things happened. Ihiks~! Malu lah titew nak cerita. Wakaka! Menyampah kan?

          So sekarang ni nak cerita apa lagi? Haa! Pasal yayasan Sime Darby tu. Rasanya saya ada story pasal ni. Alah, yang datang intrviw lambat tu. HAHA! Tapi, alhamdulillah, saya berjaya diterima. :) Ya Allah, happy sangat. Ibu lagilah gembira. Terus buat pulut kuning kari daging. Sdapnya! Umph! Jangan terliur please? HAHA! XD 

          Sekarang nak masuk mood muhasabah diri pulak. Nak cerita tentang apa yang saya dapat daripada apa yang saya perhatikan. Betul kata orang, kadang-kadang kita tak akan berjaya tanpa pertolongan doa daripada orang sekeliling kita, lebih-lebih lagi ibu bapa kita. Jadi, jangan bangga sangat kalau kita sentiasa dapat apa yang kita nak. Sebabnya, disebalik semua yang kita terima tu ada sesuatu disebaliknya. Samada untuk menyedarkan kita atau lebih menyesatkan kita. Saya harap, kita sama-sama dibukakan pintu dan mata hati untuk melihat setiap sesuatu dengan penuh hikmah dan kebaikan. Jadi, jangan cepat mengluh kalau kita ditimpakan dengan suatu dugaan yang berat sekarang. Siapa tahu, mungkin pengalaman harini yang akan memudahkan jalan hidup kita pada masa hadapan kan? Saya bercakap berdasarkan pengalaman dan pemerhatian. Jadi, sama-sama lah kita ambillah iktibar okay?

          Haaa! Dah nak sampai penghujung. Tetiba tersedar yang tak sentuh pun lagi pasal raya, pasal result sem 2 dengan result ASP. Nak tahu? Yang penting, semuanya menggembirakan. :) Tapi, dalam kegembiraan pun masih tercalit kesedihan. Ternyata, saya masih tak dapat membendung air mata pabila nenek menjadi topik utama. Pagi raya tu, ziarah nenek dan air mata berjurai tak lama lepas tu. Sesungguhnya rasa bersalah tu masih ada. Even now, tenga menaip pun air mata boleh bergenang. Along harap nenek bangga dengan along. Along dah pergi Korea nek. Maafkan along nenek. . . .Along rindu nenek. Okay, rasanya sampai sini je lah. Esok dah nak masuk U balik. Pray for me okay? Wassalam.~

*closing ceremony*

*birthday card from Sera eonni*

*early birthday celebration*

*birthday card from Ah Reum*

*first Eid*

*my youngest sis*

*First Syawal. Dad is working. T_T*

*with my aunt*

*ibu!*

*adik kelima*