Been quite a while since my last update. .
Now, been busy with work. .
I am a promoter at Parkson no. .
But only for this one month, doing part time job while waiting for the next semester. .
Life in this earth do in need of lots of money usage. .
So here I am, working on it. .
Oh how I miss updating my blog. .
Been thinking bout a lot of things these past few days, but I just didn't have enough time to make in into this blog of mine. .
So, here I am again, to write bout those little things I've been thinking, dreaming, observing and experiencing.
First little thing, it's about my "love life". .
AHA !
Funny and scared me at the same time whenever I'm thinking bout this. .
Last two days, someone I knew for quite a long time said this to me, "I want you. To be my soulmate."
His words make me smile somehow.
In my reply, I ask him to meet my parents and his answer make me smile even more.
It's not that he will now go and see my parents, but his answer do please me.
He kinda have those criteria I've been looking on for a guy.
Tall, not so damn handsome but sweet enough, not smoking, he has the letters Z and R in his name, and etc, which is the common thing every girl been wanting on a guy to have it.
Enough bout him and go forward to another "him".
Last night, he is also someone I knew for quite some times ask me to get married.
And this is serious thing as he started to ask my home address and he is almost 10 years older than me!
And I believe he's being serious as I know he is looking for someone now.
Oh man, this is really scare me.
I want to get married, but thinking of it, those responsibilities I will have as a wife, do I really ready for it?
And something just pop up in my mind.
I was like, "I rather take the other one than him."
And I, myself, don't even know why I am thinking bout this!
They have similarities: both of them are from the same state, which is Kedah.
This is really give me a headache.
I should add LOVE in my list of "those which make me stress"
Now, there are three thing which make me stress whenever I have a deep thought about it; LOVE, MONEY and My CGPA in exam! ! !
To the second little thing.
Me as a daughter to my parents, as sister to my other six sisters, as a slave to my Creator and as a student to myself. .
Have I done enough?
NO!
Sometimes, I hate being the eldest sister! ! !
I will always have to give in with my other sisters. . !
And why this type of rule have to exist! ?!
Rules are made to be broken!
And I will do so!
Argggh! Suddenly not in a good mood after what my youngest sister did to me?
What ? Saying I'm being unfair and childish ? ?
So what ? ? ? ? !
Let me calm down first, and I'll continue on later. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Okay DONE !
I am calmer now. .
I actually stopped for like three hours. .
Now, time to continue with my little things. .
Still on the second little things. .
Me as a daughter, I done so damn little towards my parents.
I have those big dreams on making them happy, but. . .
Yeah, me myself is the problem. .
I may sometime be too lazy to even do the chores. .
Sigh. .
But still, I am trying my hard to please them. .
As a sister, I still have this feeling of wanting to be pampered by my parents. .
Am I a good sister to them. . ?
I never knew. .
Sometime, I feel like I don't even know them for real, and this made my tears run down my cheeks . .
I want to teach them in maths, tell them good advices, be there for them if they had trouble. .
But what can I do and what is actually I am doing.
It's nothing. .!
I can't even be there to comfort them when they're crying. .
Sometimes, I can only cry with them too, not right besides them, but far from everyone sight. .
Thinking of all this make me summarize myself that actually I am good at nothing!
Even more to my Creator. .
I've sinned a lot!
I will always have the fight within myself. .
I will always have the thought of doing something bad to me. .
But then, I re-think. .
I read something which said, "If you don't believe in your ability to achieve your goal, believe in Allah ability to help you."
This attracted me. .
I do pray that Allah will always help me stray from those bad things I am thinking I'm doing. .
O Allah, do help me, guide me to always be in your path.
And last thing about this second little things is toward myself.
Have I done enough for me ?
Have I cherish myself and pamper myself enough ?
To me, I am sorry for not taking a good care of your body, for not keeping my words on changing to be a better person.
I really hope you won't hate me.
To the third little thing or might be as well the last little thing.
Am I a good friend to all my friends. .?
Did I help them while they were in need of something ?
Did I comfort them if they ask me to do so ?
Did I help to solve their problem ?
Did I do all the things a friend need to do to my friends ? ?
I don't care how they treat me, let them be. .
But I'll try to be a good friend. .
Thou they were only looking for me while they in need of something, while they have problems, while they want to borrow something. .
I will help them. .
Even I am always alone in everything I face without friends.
I don't have any good friends or best friends whatsoever.
I only have my Mom, Family and Allah.
I don't have a real friend who talk to me and advice me like a real friend. .
Pathetic isn't it. .?
And this made me cry, too. .
Sum up all those little things I mention before, it made up to one BIG little things.
I am a dim star surrounded by those shiny stars in the sky.
People see those shiny star but not me.
Those shiny stars may seem near to me, but the fact is, they are not.
And now, I will just keep trying hard.
Till then, Farewell. .~
