Friday, 3 May 2013

Just Being Me. .~

          Hi and assalamualaikum. Hello May. Hello home. Hello guys. Yup! I'm home right now. Kluang, Johor. Me loving it. :D April has passed with lots of memories. . And they shall stay as memories. Well, it still early in May, so basically I have nothing much to write about. But one thing for sure, final exam is even nearer now. Too busy with my theaters thingy. Sigh. And yes! Currently joining my college team of rugby touch. Wehoo~! Looks exciting somehow. Joining it in sense of gaining experience. Pray that I'll do well ya?

          Actually, the urge of me writing this entry right now is not because I've been away for too long. But it's because I'm actually feeling somehow upset.I don't know who to blame. But I'm feeling that the biggest blame are there with me. I am a sensitive person. On the outside, I may seem strong, but every pieces of me is broken inside without anyone knowing. I asked her nicely, why did she raised her voice to me? And even more, to Mom? Why? Sis, behave! You're acting is making me upset and worried. When Me and Dad are away, did you really take a good care of the rest? Now you have my doubt. The reason wht I change my topic cause I don't want to make it even a bigger issue. Yeah I know you have problems, but everyone does! You're not the only one who have problem in this world. If you can't hold it in, why don't you share? What am I to you if I can't help you solve your problem? Am I that pointless to you? Am I nothing to you? Or you see me as a danger? I don't understand you my sis. As for me, being the eldest, I always hope that I could have a big sister or a big brother whom I can share my problem with. But I have none and you have me! I really can't understand you and I don't ever think I will. These things making my tears burst out! And I hate it! How can I even face this? I knew Mom's having fever when I can feel her hot cheek when I kissed her. But still, she denied it. Mom, I am really hoping that I could make you and Dad proud of me one day. I promise that I will try harder.

          I have problems too. But I set it aside and decide to become stronger for each new day. But then, there's always a time when I was left alone and all of those problems are coming to me at once. At that moment, I'm clueless as hell. I became like a two-years-old baby asking for her milk. I'm weak. But I try. Cause I believe. . . . . . . .
Till then, Farewell~

No comments:

Post a Comment